apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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