I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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