i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
