I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
