sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
