My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
