She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
