there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
