We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
