i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
