There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
