Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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