do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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