do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
