someone threw a dead crab at me
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
