her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
it's great music for shaving your balls
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
