You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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