I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
they need to just BURY HIM!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
