Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
