: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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