Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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