U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i think my mom watched the whole time
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My feet surprised me
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