I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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