Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
