So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
