just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
