There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
