Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
