i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
