I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
