I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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