Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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