you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
