Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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