Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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