can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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