I just saw a hot homeless man
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
