Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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