For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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