You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
