the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
