He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Go christen that room with your naked body.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
