Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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