I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
