areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
