What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
