When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
