no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
