Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
