omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so let's talk penis.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
