Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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