During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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