It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
